Game 5: ¡FUTURISMOS! 6 — Snowball’s Chance 6

One Phantom Goal Begets Another
When this game ended I thought we'd lost 5-6 on a cheap goal (see below). Then a couple days later I check the score online and it said we tied 6-6. I reckoned there was some funny book keeping to even out that cheap shot goal that never shouldn't have been. Then a day later I checked again and Snowball's Chance was awarded a mystery goal of their own.

So we ended up loosing after all. But instead of just a cheap shot goal it was a cheap shot goal and a phantom goal. What a way to go down.

By the way, I wrote the whole entry thinking we’d lost and posted it. Then I found out we tied, wrote the section “This Just In… Literally” and made a few revisions throughout to adjust for the tie. Now that we lost again I just don’t have the energy to go back and make more corrections. Sorry about the confusion, although I’m certain no one will read this so whatever.

This Just In… Literally (revised minutes after I finished the entry below)
Apparently I missed a goal.

I just checked the league standings and we tied Snowball’s Chance last week. ¡WE TIED THE NUMBER ONE TEAM IN THE LEAGUE! ¡AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I’d write more but I have to run around reveling in our belated quasi-triumph.

If you read the rest of the recap--which I wrote thinking we had lost by a goal--you will see why this missed goal that was is particularly sweet.

“¡Thank you, Eternal Blue Sky!”

The Eternal Blue Sky
The basis of many Mongols’ religious beliefs—including Genghis Kahn’s—is the Eternal Blue Sky. I believe we open skied, prairie dwelling peoples from the other side of the world can relate. Game 5 against Snowball’s Chance was played under an awe inspiring display of the Eternal Blue Sky.

The game started at 8:45pm, early sunset. Overhead was a blue sky with furrows of fat, rolling clouds filled with the gold of sunset. My agnosticism buckled under the weight of the grandeur of the Eternal Blue Sky.

Our opponent was a worthy of the setting. Snowball’s Chance—in spite of their name—is the #1 team in the league. In their first four games they scored no fewer nor allowed more than 3 goals (we’ve been shut out once and prior to last week hadn’t scored more than 2 goals). Two weeks ago they beat the same NÜRD team I once presumed invincible.

Your ¡FUTURISMOS! entered the game on a high after last week’s 10 goal blow up and in decent attendance shape. Five ladies were on hand: Li’l Pete, Hassle, Mayor, Belle, and Hermione (¡in her new black socks!). Five gents as well: Elliot, TB, Sohei, Bobby, and yours truly. And, of course, our Keeper, Kahn.

For reasons I’ll elaborate on later I have few overarching thoughts about the game and only spotty specific memories but it went more or like this:

We quickly opened with a goal.

They quickly scored to level.

Then they scored again.

And again.

And again.

Their four goals were all scored over the middle stretch of the first half. Even though they weren’t dominating us in terms of overwhelming quality of play or suburb ball control it felt like they were way out ahead of us. And they were, 1-4 is a sizeable gap. But we scored again making the halftime score 2-4.

Half Time: ¡FUTURISMOS! 2 — Snowball’s Chance 4
No one was down at the half. Even though we behind a healthy two goals the attitude was “it’s only two.” Keep in mind that prior to last week the most goals we’d scored in a game was 2. So entering the second half against the #1 team we were trailing by as many goals as we’d scored in any of our first 3 games. So “it’s only two” was a quantum leap in ¡FUTURISMOS! attitude towards onion sack deposits.

The Most Controversial Goal in ¡FUTURISMOS! history
The second half opened with controversy. Snowball’s Chance had the ball. For those unaccustomed with the ways of fútbol, the halves open thusly: the ball is placed at center pitch, the ref blows the whistle, and someone on the team with the ball has to one-touch the ball (meaning you have to kick it rather than run with it). In my history of watching and playing the sport—both in person and in video game—every time a half commences the team with the ball starts by passing the ball to a teammate. Usually it’s a person standing within 5 feet of the passer.

Unfortunately the ref blew the whistle before Kahn was ready. She was still fiddling with the gloves. The Snowball guy taking the opening tap—Alfredo, more on him later—saw Kahn wasn’t ready and so rather than passing the ball to a teammate he shot it. Kahn, along with everyone else on the pitch, was caught totally off guard. She picked the ball’s flight up late, stumbled over to it and while still fumbling with her gloves got in front of it to deflect it but the bounce rolled it into the net giving Snowball’s Chance a 5-2 lead.

A dazed Kahn looked up at the ref and held her hands up to show her that she hadn’t even put her gloves on yet. The ref winced and apologized to us, but what was done was done.

Yes, of course, it would have been nice had the ref been more aware of Kahn’s state before she blew the whistle. And, yes, it is ultimately our own fault for taking the pitch unready to play. Having said that this was a serious violation of fútboling etiquette. It was positively unsporting. The kind of thing that would have sparked riots in Europe or the Americas south of the Rio Grande.

Part of the beauty of futbol is it is governed by 17 laws, the overwhelming majority of which pertain to the pitch, equipment, and technical aspects of the game (i.e. when an indirect kick is awarded verses a direct kick, how a penalty kick is to be taken). Taking a shot from the set ball to open half when you see the ref has inadvertently whistled play to start before your opponent is set—if the ref had noticed the keeper wasn’t ready she would not have blown the whistle—is tantamount to theft.

Fortunately Karma appears to play a roll under the Eternal Blue Sky and would exact a pinch of balance—more later.

The Rest of the 2nd Half
Down 2-5 seconds into the second half to the #1 team in the league may seem like a daunting challenge. I don’t remember feeling that way and it certainly wasn’t pervasive if anyone felt it at all. From that point the comeback was on.

Your ¡FUTURISMOS! scored to make it 3-5. Back in striking distance.

Snowball’s Chance scored again to push it back to 3-6.

Then with nine minutes left we scored. 4-6.

A few minutes later we scored again. 5-6.

Down a goal with roughly 5 minutes to play things got downright intriguing.

Play of the Game: “I’M GOING TO GET YOU, MOTHERF*CKER.”
As I’ve already mentioned on a couple of occasions, the play of the game is the play of the game. I can’t help it. Just like a triangle is a triangle or a perfect circle a perfect circle. I have no say in the matter. The play of not only the 2006 World Cup Final but rather the whole tournament was Zidane’s Headbutt. It will be remembered forever whereas any other play or even the winner will have to looked up to jolt peoples’ memories.

This requires a little set up.

Our 5th goal was scored by Elliot. He had the ball in the Snowball box and was defended by a lady. He shot and she stuck her foot out to block it. Apparently her ankle took the brunt of the boot and she crumbled to the ground. As she tumbled Elliot shot again and the ball went in (I think it ricocheted off their keeper even). The time that elapsed between the lady crumbling and the goal scoring was bang-bang. In other words no time. It was all one continuous play. Elliot didn’t dribble the ball or even take a step. He just shot it again as the lady was tumbling.

Snowball’s Chance protested. On what grounds exactly was hard to say. I think they were making the twin arguments that Elliot had somehow intentionally injured the Snowball lady and that the ref should have stopped play when it was clear someone was injured. Neither argument holds.

The injury was two people going for a ball. It’s normal. It happens all the time (it’s why my right big toe will never be the same, but that guy didn’t foul me either). As for stopping play, by the time it was clear she was actually hurt rather than just down the goal had already been scored. If play stopped every time someone hit the pitch the game would be all stoppage.

The goal stood and Alfredo’s dye was cast.

The injured lady was Alfredo’s wife (we think). And Elliot, the person who crunched her ankle, and Alfred already had a testy relationship. They had already shoved each other prior to that and exchanged words.

Shortly after our 5th goal Alfredo had the ball and was bringing it up the sideline. Elliot dispossessed him of the ball and cleared it. In the course of that play Alfredo kicked Elliot in the back of the leg and scraped him with his cleats. Then as they both turned to trot back up field toward the ball Alfredo turned around to share his feelings with Elliot.

“I’m going to get you, Motherf*cker.”

I had the distinctly weird pleasure/horror of being about 10 feet away from Alfredo when he issued his threat. As the Eternal Blue Sky would have it the ref was only a few feet further away and heard it too.

The ref fumbled in her pocket and produced a yellow card. The first we’ve ever had in a ¡FUTURISMOS! game. Alfredo and several other teammates protested. Arguing that Elliot deserved one for injuring the lady earlier. The ref heard nothing of it and simply said, “get off the pitch, Alfredo.” Snowball’s Chance would play the last couple of minutes without their best player.

FOOTNOTE: Whereas most people were stunned or confused about what was happening as the ref was sending Alfredo off, Bobby didn’t care a lick.

“¿Whose ball, ref?” he kept asking as the ref was still dealing with a recalcitrant Alfredo.

“¿Whose ball, ref?”

“¿Whose ball, ref?”

When she motioned it was our ball, while steal dealing with Alfredo, Bobby then changed his tune.

“¡Let’s go! ¡Let’s go! ¡Let’s go! Come on ref, let’s go, time is short.”

Indeed time was short.

Too short.

The Last Couple of Minutes
We had two more stellar chances in the last couple of minutes. Each was thwarted by an excellent diving save from the Snowball keeper. Alas, the Snowball keeper saved the game for them and they—the #1 team in the league—left the pitch clinging for dear life to a win they didn’t even come close to deserving.

Or so it seemed at the time. Little did we know at that point that we had at some point scored the leveling goal. Truth be told, a tie is the correct outcome. How that tie came about is the domain of the Eternal Blue Sky. If you want to know more head outside, look up, and ask.

Who Scored
Elliot scored twice. Bobby and TB each scored one. And Belle (aka Shawna Lavelle) scored her first of the season. ¡HUZZAH!

There is a lost sixth goal in the mix as well. The likely candidates for ownership are Elliot, TB, Hassle, Bobby, Sohei, and Belle. Take your pick and congratulate her or him... then go outside and give the Eternal Blue Sky a nod as well.

LI’L PETE AWARD: I'm Not Sure, Several People
I feel like several people are deserving this week. Hermione selflessly threw herself before a charging Snowball guy just feet away from the goal earning herself a nice bruise in exchange for thwarting a likely goal. The Mayor held down her side of the defensive backfield. Li’l Pete was her usual self. I played the entire game at left back because the other four guys on hand were all forwards by nature (and we’d need them there to increase our odds of scoring) and didn’t fall on my face, didn’t get burnt, and even almost scored… an own goal. This is why my recollections are fragmented because I literally had no time to encode anything.

So the Li’l Pete Award winners are those who put in the bulk of their time in the backfield: Li’l Pete, Mayor, Hermione, and me.

Faustian Moment: Pretty, shiny, ball… ¡Weeeeeeee!
The Faustian Moment this week was also my one serious lapse, which unfortunately led directly to a Snowball goal.

I was marking Alfredo. Snowball’s Chance had the ball in the corner and Alfredo and I were standing in front of our goal. A ¡FUTURISMO! stole the ball and cleared it. Everyone started trotting up field to follow the ball except Alfredo who stood still in front of our goal. That meant I stood still in front of our goal with him.

Near midfield a Snowballer stole the ball back and immediately kicked it high into the air toward Alfredo and me.

What I should have done was stand there with Alfredo to at least make him jostle with me to get at the ball. Here’s what I did do.

As I mentioned earlier the Eternal Blue Sky was particularly gorgeous that night. The flood lights were on too so there two different hues of light playing off each other. As the ball sailed into the air I became transfixed by its shinny hallo of bright white light (thanks to the floodlights accenting it) set against the brilliant blue sky and the golden white clouds. As all children do when under the spell of a bubble gently wafting through the air, I tottered toward it.

I wish I could at least say I had left the man I was marking undefended because I thought I had a better bead on the flight of the ball and intended to make a play on it. Alas, I cannot. I was simply enthralled (which now means “capture the fascinated attention of with magic” but in Middle English meant “enslaved,” both definitions fit here).

There is a point at which the force behind an object sent into the air is at equilibrium with the force of gravity. In that instant the object hangs exactly perfectly in the vertical plane—moving neither up nor down. In that moment it is at rest in regard to gravity. They are at peace with one another.

To call that point a “moment” is too long. To say it “pauses” is an exaggeration. This is what the phrase “a twinkling of an eye” was invented for.

I toddled out toward the pretty bauble floating on the upside-down ocean at sunset. I watched it rise. In a twinkle of my eye I saw the ball/bauble become one with gravity. When the ball was directly over my head—well over my head, I couldn’t have jumped and hit with my hand—gravity won and it started its downward fall. I turned around to watch it continue its path toward the pitch.

Down it went.

Down.

Until something got in its way.

The head of Alfredo, the guy I was supposed to be defending. And with his head he redirected the ball into the far corner of the net for a goal.

Beyond a doubt I yielded that goal but I take back what I said a bit ago. I don’t wish I could say I left my mark undefended because I had a better track on the ball. I’m glad I became enthralled by the simple majesty of the moment. I only hope that next time I’m able to both appreciate the beauty of the moment AND keep the person I’m defending within arm’s length. These things should not be mutually exclusive.

Alas, they might be. That’s why had Dr. Faust been on hand to witness my bewitching I have little doubt he would have yelled ¡STOP! to the nearby Lucifer and traded his soul right then and there.

Fan update: An entire family plus Spectra
I don’t really expect people to come to games anymore so I had dropped this section, but this was a special occasion. Erica (¿sp?), TB’s wife, was on hand with her parents and dog. In addition Spectra was an honorary member of their family for the evening.

Thank you, TB’s in-laws.