GAME 3: ¡FUTURISMOS! 1 – Red Dragonz 5

I’m really going to try and keep this one short, but I make no promises. On the other hand Game 3 promised to be our worst of the season and it lived up to its word.

Hitherto we had played all of games at the University of Minnesota. Game 3 was our first at our new location, Holy Angels in Richfield. The new field is superior to the old in terms of its condition and the goals are now twice as wide (probably along the lines of 16-feet wide -- whereas the old goals were roughly 8-feet wide). At least for Game 3 the pitch was also in a dome, which was just cool. But our first game in Richfield had an unfortunate start time -- 6pm.

Seriously. ¿Who in Hades can make it to Richfield by 6pm from downtown Minneapolis? And 6pm actually means 5:45 to give oneself time to gear up and run around for a minute. That’s just ridiculous. At least it was for us. Red Dragonz had no problem.

Before the game started I knew we were going to be short D.Hoff, Skywalker, Sohei, TB, and VC. For those keeping track at home that’s half our starters, two of our most reliable ball handlers, our most active and scrappy forward, AND the possessor of our most potent shot.

When the game started it was worse. In addition to the absences above Li’l Pete, Stilts, Serbian, and Hermione were nowhere to be seen. That’s a lot of names to keep straight so here’s the translation: We started the game with one lady on the pitch, The Mayor (Kahn was in the net, but the Keeper is gender neutral). Since you must have 3 men and 3 women on the pitch (not counting the keeper) that meant we started the game short 2 people; playing 5 against their 7.

Li’l Pete showed up shortly after the game began, Stilts a couple minutes after that and Red Dragonz didn’t take advantage of their early advantage (it would turn out they didn’t need to), but the frantic confusion of those opening minutes defined our first half.


ONE SHINING MOMENT
Flying radically in the face of everything you’ve just read, your ¡FUTURISMOS! actually had a lead in this game courtesy our first goal of the season. Elliot was its proud creator and it was gem.

From 25-yards out on to the left side of the goal Elliot took a speculative boot. The keeper was appropriately about 10-feet in front of the goal protecting its left side. Elliot’s shot was a high archer to the right pole. It soared over the head of a defender who craned her head up and then back to track it. The keeper backpedaled, at first casually because it appeared for all the world that the ball would sail safely over the net.

Then the ball took a pronounced dive. Oh yes, ¡FUTURISMOS! fans, Elliot had bent the ball a little like a person famous for doing so. The keeper was effectively hung out to dry at that point. He had to keep backpedaling because he couldn’t break stride to turn around. The keeper fell backwards in a desperate last gasp to tap the ball away and it dropped just over his outstretched hand, just under the crossbar, and just inside the post. ¡GOAL!

It was a remarkable effort. It may have taken us three games to score a goal but it was well worth the wait. ¡Hazah to Elliot! A truly beautiful effort.


A POINT I HAVE BEEN RELUCTANT TO CONCEED BUT IS PLAIN AS DAY
Elliot’s goal came just shy of the half way through the first half. Our collapse came a few minutes later. Red Dragonz just poured it on and we were powerless to stem the tide. I think they scored all five of their goals during those brutal ten minutes (and truth be told there were at least two goals they missed thanks to dumb luck).

¿What happened to your beloved ¡FUTURISMOS!? Our team collapse was a result of our near physical collapse. We had one lady and one gentleman in reserve and we aren’t fit enough to get away with that. When I came off the pitch for the first time with about 5 minutes left in the first half I thought I was going to throw up. Literally. I stood there on sidelines concentrating, “do not throw up. You will not throw up.”

Red Dragonz had no lady reserves, two guys, and suffered no ill effects. They play year ‘round and it showed. We don’t and it showed. We should be able to offset our inferior conditioning with our numbers, but when we’re significantly short we’re nearly crippled.

The combination of fatigue calming our nerves and half time to get over the initial panic righted our ship in the second half. We settled down and played them even (I can’t remember whether they got one in the second half or not). But the damage was done.


LI’L PETE AWARD
Even though we had our first Li’l Pete moment courtesy Li’l Pete herself – she took a wicked blast in the corner deflecting the ball out of bounds and issued her trademark scream/squeak – this week’s winner is Hermione.

Elliot was the goalkeeper (he and Kahn switched in the second half). I can’t remember if it was a corner kick or a cross, but the ball came into the box high and Elliot punched it way. The ball wasn’t cleared though and a Red Dragon ended up with it and a wide-open right side of the net. The only thing standing in the way of their sixth goal turned out to be Hermione’s face. The Red Dragon took a shot and Hermione saved the day with her cheek.

That’s the Li’l Pete way, Hermione. You lived up to your hero’s standard and she’s proud of you.


A NEARLY DECAPITATED KEEPER
Your ¡FUTURISMOS! nearly injured their second keeper in as many weeks. Big Pete had the ball and a clear path to the goal. The keeper came running out at him and started to slide as he approached Big Pete, which is standard keeping procedure. Big Pete decided to blast away rather than get around the keeper. He wound up and blasted the ball right into the keeper’s throat. The ball ricocheted out of bounds, traveling a good 30-yards. From where I was -- trailing the play by about 20-yards -- I thought Big Pete had killed him. After a few moments of throat clutching the keeper was fine, but oh my goodness was it scary.


FAUSTIAN MOMENT
For the first time the Faustian Moment belonged to a non-¡FUTURISMO!. I thought long and hard about a tactful way of saying this and here’s what I came up with: one of the Red Dragon ladies looked more like Rosanne Bar than Mia Hamm. She was 40+-ish, far from svelte and her teammates called her “Ma.”

Not that 40+-year-old, far-from-svelte parents can’t be good futbolers, but if you passed one on the street there’s no way your first thought is going to be, “I bet she/he is one heck of a futboler.” Again, I just want to be abundantly clear on this point. It isn’t like when I saw this lady I thought “ha, what a joke.” It’s more like when I saw her I didn’t think anything of her at all (as opposed to the Ninja women of Dynamo who looked -- and were -- formidable).

Pretty early in the game Red Dragonz had a corner kick. The kick was to the near post and Ma came flying out of the pack, leapt in the air, headed the ball, and missed what would have been a pretty spectacular goal by about a foot (to the left). I swear to Zidane I saw the thing in slow motion.

She was actually in the air -- her right leg straight down and her left trailing behind her -- and she snapped her head in an effort to not only redirect the ball but get something on it. We ran up field next to each other after the play and I said “Dude, that was great effort.” She replied, “thanks honey, but a great effort would have been two feet to the right,” and then laughed.

If Dr. Faust had seen Ma’s narrowly missed flying header followed by her humble, good-natured chatter I have no doubt he would have happily shouted “stop” at Lucifer to trade his soul.


FAN UPDATE
We may be down in the in the league standings, but our fan turn out has been astonishing. We pulverized last years C+M fan record (1) when Laurie Christen showed up with husband and child in tow. That’s two Colle+McOmrade fans in three games. At this pace we may set a record that can’t be beat.

Thank you, Laurie Christen. We all hope Andrew’s obsession with robot vampires is just a very weird phase.